Top 10 Reasons to be Happy You Celebrate Hanukkah instead of Christmas

10 – There’s only one way to spell Christmas; with Hanukkah you get so many choices.

9 – Nobody looks good in a reindeer sweater.

8 – Maccabees kick wise man ass.

7 – Making friends insanely jealous over eight nights of gifts. None of them – ever! – needs to know that half of those gifts are socks and underwear.

6 – No trees are harmed in the celebration of your holiday.

5 – While everyone else is still manic over shopping, you’re already in Boca enjoying the early bird with Nana.

4 – Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas.”

3 – Sour cream and applesauce taste lousy on ham.

2 – The whole Jesus vs. Santa thing: not your problem.

1 – Red with green? Please.